It’s a myth that a marriage is just about the bride and groom. Naturally, you’re the stars of the occasion, but it’s actually the merging of two whole families. The dynamics of your two families may be highly compatible, or they may feel slightly mismatched. Regardless of whether your parents and soon-to-be parents in law are practically best friends or have only met on a few occasions, you’ll want to be sure to include them in your special day, including the weeks and months leading up to the wedding. Here are a handful of ways you can ensure they feel included, from the engagement to the wedding planning to the rehearsal dinner.
Be considerate of the way you share your big news with both of your families. Remember, as soon as you tell even one friend about your engagement, it’s likely to end up on social media in a matter of minutes. You can imagine how sad a parent might feel if they saw the news on Facebook versus hearing it from you in person, so try to resist the urge to post a picture of the ring online until you’ve had a chance to tell both sets of parents and other close family members.
If your families haven’t met or spent much time together, there’s no better time than in the weeks following your engagement. Host a get together at your home that you know both families will enjoy, whether that means a formal dinner or a casual backyard BBQ. Brainstorm topics to discuss in advance with your fiancé to ensure there will be plenty of conversation and so you can encourage everyone to mingle and get to know one another. This will also help ensure both sets of parents don’t start chiming in on topics like wedding planning or guest lists before you’re ready for their input!
If there’s one thing most mothers enjoy when it comes to their son or daughter’s wedding, it’s helping with the wedding planning! They may have a lot to say about the guest list, colors, your type of wedding gown, and lots of other aspects of the big day. If you know your fiancé’s mother would like to contribute, think of specific ways in which she can help so that she feels included. If you feel strongly about handling certain aspects of the wedding planning by yourself, for example, choosing the invitation designs, invite both mothers to help with other aspects you feel more flexible about, such as flowers or favors. If they have very different styles, it may be best to invite only one along to important appointments. You could choose to invite your mom to the bridal boutique with you, while inviting your fiancé’s mom to look at a venue with you. Both will appreciate your efforts to include them in the wedding planning process.
There are a number of ways to include both sets of parents in your rehearsal dinner celebrations. Consider setting up a photo display that includes photos of the parents on their wedding day, plus family shots of you and your fiancé. Make a toast honoring the parents, and be sure to send them home with a thoughtful gift. If it’s a casual affair, find a way to include a few traditional family dishes into the menu and set up mini display cards in front of them that provide details about their presence in the family’s history and who’s credited with making them a family tradition.
After you get back from the honeymoon, invite your parents and parents-in-law over to your house to see a slideshow of your favorite pictures. A quick warning though–don’t be surprised if they take it as an opportunity to start questioning you about when they’ll have a grandchild to welcome to the family!
Wedding planning tips for bringing both sides of the family together